Friday... if you make it through this post... you get a gold star

Ok, I’m finally ready to dish. That was one hell of a cold/flu/possible hangover. I didn’t feel like doing much of anything at all… but now… it’s on.

Friday:
Got up and headed for the airport. One flight, One 4 hour car ride, singing Gnarles Barkley at the top of my lungs and I arrived. Strangly enough I arrived at the exact moment that my god mother and aunt/uncle. We all tried to check in but only the aunt/uncle combo’s room was available/booked. The hotel people were completely disorganized. So we headed for the beer store, headed for their room and that’s the last thing I remember before my flight home. Just kidding… We drank and gossiped until all at once it seemed EVERYONE arrived. Granparents were being helped up the stairs, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, parents and children hugging, shaking hands, laughing and exclaiming. As everyone reviewed their travels ‘late planes, rental car problems, directions to the wrong province’ I stood back and started laughing. It was like watching my big fat greek wedding or like we were Italian. So the drinking really started now. My parents were all set to host a wine and cheese party at their ‘cabin’ – oh I’m sorry, did I not mention? The ‘resort’ was a bunch of cabins. So to get to other peoples rooms you had to skip down a forest trail. Like summer camp. No honestly, mosquito bites are SO instyle this season. Whatever, so wine comes out and we all start drinking and laughing. The grooms sisters come to meet me (to talk hair) and they seem alright. By 8 o’clock thought there has still been no rehersal and I’m getting pretty sick of being asked A LOT of questions I don’t know the answers to.

Before I can say anything to my sister I am tackled from behind. I turn to find a little girl of about 10 years old, wrapped around my jean clad legs, perched upon my beautiful new pink kitten heels (you know the ones). I want to scream at her to remove herself but am not entirely sure where she’s come from and the fact that she’s Down Syndrome makes my cold, black heart thaw momentarily. She demands to see my ‘black sparkly shoes’. Apparently my aunt, who had been cornered by her moments earlier, had (through lack of topics to discuss with a 10 year child) brought up my favorite pair of flats. Sigh. But I do enjoy showing off my most favorite pairs. So I took one hand and my god mother who at this point was completely wasted and needed a walk took the other and we all wandered to my cabin.

Twenty minutes later, black sparkly shoes having received the full appreciation they deserved from my new best friend we all marched (god mum stumbled) back up the hill towards the noticeably quieter cabin my parents were staying in. We walked in to find an empty cabin, half drunk wine glasses everywhere and all the lights on. It was as if they had gotten up and run away without us. I looked and my god mum who tried to look at me but her eyes swum as she poured herself a glass of wine. I looked to my new little best friend and said ‘where did everybody go?’ to which she answered matter-o-factly ‘Lobster’. Instantly I remembered overhearing someone mention lobster for dinner. So My New little best friend and I did our best to steer my god mother to the resort restaurant which I had noted when I tried to check in.

‘Sorry we don’t serve lobster and your family isn’t here’. The hostess said with a look of pure pity in her eye as she darted glances at my companions. My new little best friend was completely enamored with my shoes which she had forced me to wear, and was lying on the floor playing with them, while my god mother, was trying to ‘nonchalantly’ hold herself up with the door frame while fighting off the hiccups. ‘There is a lobster restaurant up the road though. That’s probably where they went’. Great. To the rental we all flew. We piled in and raced the restaurant where we found everyone seated. No one seemed concerned that we had been missing allt his time or offered an apology. So I sat down, famished and happy not to be babysitting either one of my friends anymore.

Immediately I was approached by a waitress. ‘She’s getting a big tip from me and big drink for me’ I thought to myself. But her question wasn’t about what drink I wanted it was ‘Have you paid?’. ‘Excuse me?’ I answered. ‘You have to pay at the front’. Embarrassed I got up and headed to the front. It was quickly explained to me that each person had paid individually in advance on their way in. Nothing buy class at this wedding. I asked to see a menu. But there wasn’t one. Shocker. Sadly, I don’t eat fish so I asked to have whatever wasn’t from the sea to which the cashier answered ‘That will be Twenty-Three dollars’. I paid and turned to walk away when she tells me ‘actually, you still owe for 5 lobsters’. The look I gave her must have spoken volumes because she quickly said ‘I may have miscounted, could you double check?’ So if you’re wondering how a girl ends up pointing and asking the question ‘did you order salmon or lobster?’ to complete strangers, that’s how. Sure enough 5 people hadn’t paid. I marched over to my mother and demanded that she handle it as I was under the impression that rehearsal dinners were purchased by the parents of someone and I wasn’t a parent of anyone.

After I ate my 2 pieces of cold ham and ice cream scoop of potato salad (yes, I said 23 dollars) we all headed back to the cabin for more wine.

I quickly sat down and beat some very drunk members of my family at some very cut-throat games of cribbage. When I took 2 american dollars off of my uncle he swore and walked out of the room. So, I grabbed my money and headed for the pub where I found the grooms brother in laws, drunk. We found a booth, ordered some beers (actually I handed my 2 American bucks to the bartender and asked him to write me a note that said that I had bought a beer with my uncles cribbage money so I could give it to my uncle later). We laughed and made a lot of fun of the groom as that was all we had in common. At one point I remembered getting teary eyed and saying ‘I’ve never had brothers before!’. It was pretty pathetic.

Next thing I knew, one of the grooms sisters turned up and we were being dared by the bar to kiss. Which we did. Now at first I remember thinking, ‘oh my god there are fireworks going off’ and assumed I was gay. But then I realized it was the flashbulbs on about 4 camera’s going off. So I found a boy, danced a little and then sent myself home to bed.

After all… Saturday was the big day…