No longer a virgin

Got off work last night and hobbled to the subway station. I say hobbled because I’ve lost control of all the muscles in my legs. They are vibrating and seizing with great displeasure randomly. Apparently my thighs didn’t like all the squatting, rolling and running for dear life I put them through on Wednesday. And I don’t think I need to tell you how much my shins hated being shot at. Paint balling is officially not for girls like me who like to swing their hips when they walk. But, I’m not going to lie. I loved shooting people so much I am thinking about organizing another trip with some friends. But, this ‘day after’ crap is worse than a hangover, worse than the awkward ‘morning after’, worse than anything I’ve ever put myself through before.

So anyways, I hobbled to the subway and rode out to Coxwell last night. Cam met me with a big bear hug and a big smile and we headed for his place. But not before picking up a pack of cigarettes. I’ve learned that when I’m with Cameron I smoke. A lot. So we stocked up on cigarettes and headed for his place. He’s just moved out on his own (how very grown up) and his place is just too cute. It even has a loft that you get to by ladder. Very sheik.

The wine was poured and we started to catch up. Cameron listed as I dutifully broke down my sisters wedding, the boy from the Atlantic Ocean, the family drama that is on-going (my cousin is a retard) and the boy from last weekend and I sat transfixed as he recounted his own family drama (court cases and all), his travel plans and all about the new boy… Yummy, yummy… I’ll call him Ben & Jerry’s because of the whole 100 flavours thing. The boy has been to something like 200 countries. Very cool. Very perfect for Cameron… I smell a wienner.

One bottle of wine down, and we climbed the ladder up to his little media center and sat transfixed while watching the new show Ugly Betty. I loved it. Especially the boss… tooo hot. Oh and Cam picked out the greatest new expression… fabulously douchy!!

Show ended, as did the last bottle of wine.

“Martini Time’ Cameron cried as he effortlessly climbed down to the sitting room. I on the other hand wavered slightly. My legs were at a point where they didn’t want to listen to me because they were sore and they couldn’t listen to me because I was drunk. The ladder was going to be difficult. 20 minutes later, I made it down and we walked to the store for lemonade.

I was more interested in all the Halloween candy and toys then anything else when we got there. And had great fun dancing around Aisle 4 in my orange witch hat. And the reason I love Cam? He never gets embarrassed. Even when he farts at a stranger’s house and it smells so horrid that he clears the room (it happened- but that’s a whole other story). Instead he gets louder and offers encouragement. He pointed out the florescent yellow blowup devil horns to me and before long I was scanning my head at the cash register (the cashier looked utterly un-amused) and dancing out onto the street.

Back at the house, horns on, music on, Cameron mixed his new specialty; Lemon Rosehip Martini’s, Shaken not stirred, while exclaiming that everything was ‘fabulously douchy!!”. I’m told that if I had been born with the proper genitalia I would have had rose pedals floating on top. But alas, I have breasts and instead tossed a few sour skittles in.

It didn’t’ take long before I was on his computer checking my email (compulsive I know), nothing too exciting but then… a message popped up from a boy on Cam’s list. I don’t know where it all came from or what I was thinking. But before long I was having super sexy gay talk online with a stranger. I lost my internet sex virginity and all the while Cameron stood over my shoulder cheering me on and demanding that the guy turn his web cam on and jerk off. The guy even sent me naked pictures of himself! And buddy, whoever you are… that was NOT 8 itches.

It was getting to be a little much for me towards the end so I decided to wrap things up. I told him to come over and do it to me in person. Then I gave him my address and directions and logged off, giggling happily to myself and high-fiving Cam. At this point I was definitely drunk. I had just had online sex while pretending to be a gay man, then sent that man over to my ex-roommate (not on good terms) ‘s apartment. I would have loved to have been there when that door was opened… hehehe Douchy! I can’t wait to see or hear the fruits of my labour on that one.

Drunk, happy, spent… I chugged my last martini, smoked my last cigarette, made a quick call to Vinny to report my prank (he laughed his ass off) and Cameron put me in a cab and handed the driver a $20. We waved goodbye, both of us disappointed to end the evening but both glimpsing tomorrow’s hangover at our respective GUJ’s.

Arrived at work this morning, head pounding slightly. But had an instant smile on my face when I read an email from Vinny declaring that he’s nominating me for best prank of 2006.

Still got it… JASG